Sometimes, when you have swum until you can’t swim any more, you just focus on the one thing that can provide relief from the burning muscles and the searing sensation in the chest from breathing so hard, in … and out; That little ‘something to grab hold of’ is what keeps you going, keeps you focussed and stops you from giving up and going under.
I don’t actually like being in water very much and the image is therefore a poignant one as, in more areas than one at the moment, I am feeling way, way out of my depth – sometimes to the point where I actually start to shake in fear at what lies ahead.
I have written it before, but very occasionally, on especially bad days, I really cannot see any other way than down – too many question-marks around whether or not I can pull stuff off and survive …. financially, mentally and also physically with trying to keep so many balls up in the air. Sometimes, then, it is just incredible when someone extends an unexpected hand in a gesture of support, or when something random happens which then acts as a metaphorical prop. These small things can be just enough to release a surge of energy in me which is what drives me to the point where I just have to make things work. It’s like a small break – an unplanned moment just to relax, to regroup and go again, refreshed and full of renewed motivation.
This tableau therefore really inspired me at our local swimming lake. I was back on safe ground from my 20 minute power-lap and I found it beautiful – both in itself and for all the reasons I have just outlined above. I tend go after challenges which lie seriously on the border of my capabilities and of my confidence, but damn it, it really is good to know that there’s the occasional thing to grab hold of when it all gets a bit much.
I think I need that!